Ten Effective tools to help your Children Learn and Grow
As our children grow and develop, it is our
role as parents to help
them learn good behavior. It is valuable to know and use a
variety of tools that
provide children with opportunities to learn. Discipline is different
from
punishment. It means "instruct or train." Discipline gives
parents a chance to
instruct or train their children. We believe punishment does not work
and can hurt our
children. When you create a home that encourages and rewards good
behavior it
will increase your child's self esteem and make your role as a parent
easier. At
first, when you use more positive discipline tools it may be harder to
get cooperation
from your children. Over time, these new ways begin to work.. Remember
that it
can be confusing and discouraging to expect too much too soon of
yourself or
your children. Below are some tools to help you along your journey:
1.) IGNORE: This is a real art! Ignoring behaviors such as bad habits,
whining, inappropriate language, and tantrums will not harm our
children. It is
hard to do nothing, but it is also hard for them to keep up their
behavior
without an audience. Hug your child when he or she stops the
misbehavior.
2.) TAKE AWAY PRIVILEGES: Take away a privilege for a short period. If
the period lasts for too long resentment builds, the child forgets the
original wrongdoing and the lesson is lost. Provide opportunities to
win back privileges later by doing extra chores, etc. Try to "match"
the removal
of the privilege to the action you would like to correct I.E. fighting
over TV equals loss of TV time. Remember to "catch" you child
behaving positively and acknowledge that behavior.
3.) LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES: Let the action do the "talking" i.e. abuse
the use of a toy, the toy is taken away for a period of time; writing
on
the wall with crayons, they wash it off and lose the crayons for the
day; missed curfew by one hour, on hour subtracted from the next
outing.
Congratulate you child for choosing appropriate actions and behaviors.
4.) RE-ARRANGE SPACE OR PLACE: Be creative to eliminate problems that
have been created: if clothes and toys are a mess, have baskets and low
hooks for easier pick up; if school homework is misplaced, have a
special table for materials for school; if chores are forgotten, have a
chart
for who does what and when. Remember to let you child act his or her
age.
5.) RE-DIRECT BEHAVIOR: If one behavior is a problem, take that energy
and provide an opportunity for another positive action: crayon on wall,
give them paper; throwing sand, give them a ball; jumping on sofa, tell
them the
floor is for jumping. To avoid a day filled with "don'ts", try to say
what they
CAN do i.e. "We pet kitty gently with our hand like this, not with the
toy
truck."
6.) GRANDMA’S RULE: WHEN…THEN: for example, “When you pick up the toys,
then you can have the television on” or “When you come home from school
on time, then you can have a friend over.” Use a calm, but firm, tone
of voice.
7.) HUMOR: try to see the funny side of a child’s behavior, or your
own! Laughing with you children relieves stress and is a fun way
to gain
cooperation.
8.) SHOW THEM: We all receive training for a new job. Patiently show
you child what the behavior should be or how the job or chore should be
done
appropriately. Patience and practice can turn a child into a wonderful
helper. Reward yourself for you patience!
9.) FAMILY MEETINGS: At a regular time each week, have the whole family
gather for a family meeting. Involve all children. This is a time when
everyone can speak freely about their week, their, feelings, and many
other “issues” and set chore schedules. Make sure you establish simple
ground
rules about who talks and when, no interrupting, mutual respect, who
takes the “minutes” and who is timekeeper. Convey the value of family
being a
team.
10.) TIME OUT: Use time out for dangerous and harmful behaviors like
biting, hitting and intentional misbehavior. The purpose of time out is
to isolate a child so he or she may have time to think about their
misbehavior. It is not a “punishment”’ it is a coping skill that can be
used for the rest of their lives; isolate, think and calm down.
Follow these guidelines:
· Keep time out to one minute for every year of age; start
with children two years
and older;
· Have them sit in a place away from other; corners are
too punishing.
· Tell them calmly and briefly why they are going to time
out and for how long;
· Use a timer; it saves sanity!!!!
· When time out is over, start fresh and notice as soon as
possible something
they do right and comment on it.
Giving yourself time out is helpful too.
Reproduced from the Parents Anonymous® booklet, I Am A Parents
Anonymous®
Parent
2003 Community Resource Kit - Alaska Children's Trust